Previously, I wrote about my first MRI and the
aftermath. Not being a candidate for what boils down to a simple same-day
procedure to fix a bulged disc, made me realize I may just be imagining my pain
to be worse than it was. I've never been a real fan of pain and I commonly find
it beneficial to use any level of pain as a way to get sympathy or get out of
doing things I don't want to.
The surgeon that so comically denied me the
procedure I expected suggested a spinal injection which he claimed is highly
successful for pansies like me. If you haven't experienced the pleasure of this
type of injection, the follow is a firsthand description of what you may expect
during it, from my point of view of course.
After checking in with the receptionist, I was
ceremoniously escorted to a ready room. There was a TV, recliner and a very nice
nurse taking my medical history. So far, so good. As time for the injection
approached my nerves began to fray just a little due to the unknown variables of
the adventure ahead. A pair of health professionals herded me to the injection
room like a lamb where I was turned over to a team of masochistic lions wearing
gowns and masks. Their warm greeting almost seemed genuine. It actually was.
They were very nice, but that hardly fits into the story at this
point.
Before I continue, I'd like qualify that my medical
knowledge and terminology is only composed of what I gleaned from two episodes
of ER 20 years ago. So either laugh with me or laugh at me. Either is perfectly
acceptable.
Once I was lying face down on the table and
positioned for the injection, an ice-cold application of reddish-brown liquid
was applied generously to my lower back area. That wasn't unpleasant at all
compared to the initial "stick" of the needle. It always cracks me up when they
say: "You might feel a little pressure" when given an injection. What they
really mean is, "hold on to something, this is going to suck"
My understanding of what happens during this
procedure is they use an x-ray machine to help the Dr. guide the #2 pencil-sized
needle into my spine and find a little area to squirt stuff. They squirt a lot
of stuff apparently because the pressure built to the point that I was sure he
was literally sawing my body in half, starting between my 4th and 5th lumbar
vertebra. This part of it supposedly makes room for the medicine they put in
next. Let me tell ya, when that happens I found a whole new meaning of screaming
like a little girl. The pressure was so intense for so long I can't believe I
didn't pass out. Finally, the Dr. announced that the procedure was over and I
was free to quit whimpering.
The injection worked and I was mostly pain free for
a couple of years. Thank goodness I listened to my two friends Mike and Lori,
that work at that facility and talked me into going through with it. It wouldn't
be the last time they were involved in my care and certainly not the
weirdest.
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