Those of you who have seen the size and shape of my tummy from time to time
will not be shocked at the revelation that I enjoy a tasty Hamburger ... or two
... or more. My love for this ambrosia-like food goes back before I can
remember. I've ordered and cooked them in nearly every imaginable way. Twenty
years or so ago, a popular burger chain made a delicious attempt at the perfect
burger. Named after Michael Jordan, it was a quarter pound of beef with cheese,
onion, pickles, BBQ sauce instead of ketchup, and bacon. It was not uncommon for
me to devour four of these for lunch in those days. The beginning of an
unhealthy lifestyle, but bear with me it gets more peculiar I promise.
I'm not sure where I came up with the inspiration to make the 15 pound Hamburger. I just know that once the idea was planted in my head, there would be no rest until I had accomplished the feat.
I had no idea how to make a bun that big or how to cook a ten pound beef patty. Since I wanted it to be enjoyably edible and not super thick and stacked high like you now see on food shows that try to make mammoth burgers that are impossible to get your mouth around, I would need to figure out how to spread it out to an ergonomically friendly size.
I have one of those large camping type frying pans that you can cook two dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, 20 sausage links and enough hash browns to choke a horse without any of the items touching each other. Do horses even eat potatoes? Anyhow, the pan is 32 inches wide and appeared to be able to handle the job.
The bun consisted of three one-pound frozen bread dough loaves. Once thawed and proofed, I cut and molded the mountain of dough into a bun-shaped sort of blob that fit into the giant pan. It wouldn't fit in the oven, so I put it on the outdoors grill that wouldn't close all the way due to the size. Therefore, I had to rotate it quite often. It wasn't perfect when it was done, but came out better than it should have considering the low skill level of the baker.
The beef patty was the focus of the entire show. I bought one of those 10 pound tubes of burger and carefully patted that out to fit the 32 inch pan as well. My meat is always well cared for as it is the most important item any time I have a guest(s)
Although I named it the 15 pound burger, it was likely closer to 17 or 18 pounds with condiments.
The list of other items used in the final preparations before serving were as follows;
4 large tomatoes sliced
2 pounds of sliced cheese
1 large head of iceberg lettuce
1 entire jar of mayo
1 bottle of mustard
1 bottle of HEINZ ketchup (any other brand is sub-standard and not allowed in my house)
1 quart of slice dill pickles
Yes, I completely forgot about bacon. I have no excuses. It was a rookie mistake.
Until the burger was ready to be flipped over, I had not thought about just how to perform that task. I set it off of the propane burner to quickly devise a plan. Without overly explaining the procedure, I'll just say it involved four people, wax paper, tin foil, a small end table, a chunk of ply-wood, some cursing and blind luck. Once that was complete, the bun was cut in half, the condiments were at the ready and the excitement level was pinnacle. I originally planned for eight adults, but with all the activity and aroma in and around my garage a few neighbors went from on-lookers to fully vested participants.
Several of us worked for a few minutes building the masterpiece. A few pictures were taken and finally the first cut was made. Thirteen people worked hard on their portions to eat all they could of what can only be described as edible art. When all were full and the evening was done, there was still a little over half of it left. I wrapped it up and gave away what I could and "suffered" for the next few days to eat the rest. My only regret is the bacon. HOW COULD I FORGET THE BACON?
I'm not sure where I came up with the inspiration to make the 15 pound Hamburger. I just know that once the idea was planted in my head, there would be no rest until I had accomplished the feat.
I had no idea how to make a bun that big or how to cook a ten pound beef patty. Since I wanted it to be enjoyably edible and not super thick and stacked high like you now see on food shows that try to make mammoth burgers that are impossible to get your mouth around, I would need to figure out how to spread it out to an ergonomically friendly size.
I have one of those large camping type frying pans that you can cook two dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, 20 sausage links and enough hash browns to choke a horse without any of the items touching each other. Do horses even eat potatoes? Anyhow, the pan is 32 inches wide and appeared to be able to handle the job.
The bun consisted of three one-pound frozen bread dough loaves. Once thawed and proofed, I cut and molded the mountain of dough into a bun-shaped sort of blob that fit into the giant pan. It wouldn't fit in the oven, so I put it on the outdoors grill that wouldn't close all the way due to the size. Therefore, I had to rotate it quite often. It wasn't perfect when it was done, but came out better than it should have considering the low skill level of the baker.
The beef patty was the focus of the entire show. I bought one of those 10 pound tubes of burger and carefully patted that out to fit the 32 inch pan as well. My meat is always well cared for as it is the most important item any time I have a guest(s)
Although I named it the 15 pound burger, it was likely closer to 17 or 18 pounds with condiments.
The list of other items used in the final preparations before serving were as follows;
4 large tomatoes sliced
2 pounds of sliced cheese
1 large head of iceberg lettuce
1 entire jar of mayo
1 bottle of mustard
1 bottle of HEINZ ketchup (any other brand is sub-standard and not allowed in my house)
1 quart of slice dill pickles
Yes, I completely forgot about bacon. I have no excuses. It was a rookie mistake.
Until the burger was ready to be flipped over, I had not thought about just how to perform that task. I set it off of the propane burner to quickly devise a plan. Without overly explaining the procedure, I'll just say it involved four people, wax paper, tin foil, a small end table, a chunk of ply-wood, some cursing and blind luck. Once that was complete, the bun was cut in half, the condiments were at the ready and the excitement level was pinnacle. I originally planned for eight adults, but with all the activity and aroma in and around my garage a few neighbors went from on-lookers to fully vested participants.
Several of us worked for a few minutes building the masterpiece. A few pictures were taken and finally the first cut was made. Thirteen people worked hard on their portions to eat all they could of what can only be described as edible art. When all were full and the evening was done, there was still a little over half of it left. I wrapped it up and gave away what I could and "suffered" for the next few days to eat the rest. My only regret is the bacon. HOW COULD I FORGET THE BACON?
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