Oliver ~ Destroyer of Worlds

Oliver
You wouldn't think a simple medium sized dog could cause more trouble to　a family than　medium sized teenagers, but you've likely never met Oliver the dog.
My good friend ended up with a cute Four　month　old mixed breed puppy to fill the void of not having a family pet. To describe what breed of dog Oliver is　would　not be easy. My best uneducated guess would be part Basset hound, part Chupacabra with a dash of Cthulhu genetics for disposition.
His medium size is not from his genetics however. Bone structure, with limb length being the most　telltale　sign, points to what should be considered a small breed dog. His personal table manners and eating　habits　have combined to raise his Body Mass Index to a level not supported by the description "Small"  Oliver should be shaped like a hot-dog. Instead, I would say he's shaped more like a double cheeseburger. But Oliver seems otherwise healthy and happy. What more can you ask?
Like all beings, we each have a dark side. A struggle we all face from time to time. My dark side is holding on to grudges and not forgiving people that I feel wronged me. I can admit it, and I don't really keep it a secret. I'll continue to work on it and maybe conquer it someday. I think Oliver's dark side is his inability to care what he eats. His family feeds him the prescribed portions of a highly rated name-brand dog food. Oliver the dog doesn't seem satisfied with that. They noticed early on, like any puppy, he would chew on things. Not only chew toys, but pretty much anything that he could open his mouth and　get hold of　was fair game to him.
Just chewing on things isn't really an issue that should highly concern anyone. Soon after his family noticed the constant chewing, household items began to disappear. Sometimes things would completely disappear and sometimes remnants would remain. Oliver's appetite caused him to chew up and then devour basically anything left unattended. He is also an accomplished dinner table　ninja.　If a morsel of food is accidentally dropped from the table, it rarely touches the floor before it is "rescued" by the silent food warrior. I've personally witnessed this.  I think when a dog is that good at cleaning the floors it should be called "barkcuuming"
The following is a documented list of items Oliver actually ate. By "ate", I mean chewed, swallowed, partially digested and passed.
Any piece of paper left on the floor (size doesn't matter)
Boxes of Tic Tacs can't be put high enough to avoid his reach, but dog-breath isn't a problem now.
Parts of appliance cords. We assume he somehow unplugged them first.
All but the nose-pad of a pair of expensive and necessary prescription eyeglasses.
And entire cell phone, including the protective cover.
Fast food wrappers left in the car.
A plastic glass containing 7-up was consumed in less than a minute. No liquid was found in the area.
A　leather　billfold　with ID, credit cards and cash. Although the family originally thought the billfold was misplaced, they later found, um,　evidence.

Socks, shoes, a half pair of jeans, digital camera, family picture hanging several feet from the floor, a hand towel, small garbage can, dresser drawer handles, homework of course,　golfballs, tennis balls, baseballs, baseball glove, mitten, scarf and Christmas　tree ornaments are all victims of Oliver: The destroyer of worlds.  It's probably a good thing he has a short tail.