Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Legend of Goat-Man Bridge

There is a certain bridge close to town that people call "Dead Dog Bridge" I don't even want to know why it's called that, but when I was in High School we called it "Goat-Man Bridge"
Going there to attempt scaring girls became a lame excuse for something to do besides driving around or sitting at the arcade. I wasn't the first to use the scary looking old bridge to park by and tell "Goat-Man" stories, but I enthusiastically joined the crowd and was able to come up with wildly fascinating tales of a creature that lived under the bridge that had the head of a man and the body of a goat.
Missing children, mutilated livestock, half eaten pets and the absence of any rabbits in the area were just a few of the story lines we used in our not-so-hair-rasing tales. It was great fun for quite some time, but like everything else, started to lose it's luster when we ran out of gullible girls willing to go with us. Apparently, word got around that we were pretty much full of bologna and it became a negative stigma if you were one of the lucky ones to have gone there because logic would dictate that this animal does not exist. So, my buddy decided to actually make him exist. That sounded like a great idea to me, but how? 
Though my buddy must remain anonymous, he lived outside town and actually had a goat available for his plan. He had bought an "old-man" mask for Halloween and the idea would be to put the mask on the goat and take it to the bridge and drive up with girls in the car and presto... Goat-Man lives!
As if we didn't have a tough enough time catching the goat, you should try duct tapping a rubber mask to a mean, upset, freshly captured goat. While it was still light out, we took the goat out by the bridge and tied it to a tree near an approach. The idea was to drive there in the dark, tell the girls a story, then pull into the approach as we turned around to leave. The headlights would expose Goat-Man and the girls would scream in fear. It was our best plan ever. How could anything possible go wrong?
First, it took until almost midnight to find two girls bored enough with life to go with us in my friends old regular-cab pickup. It seems some people thought our Goat-Man stories were boring and childish. I mean really, what's wrong with people? The girls were both Seniors and I was a Junior. They had no interest in us as a date, I'm sure. They just didn't have anything better to do, and that's pretty sad.
Four teens in the cab of an old pickup drove to the bridge and quickly became uncomfortable with each other. One of the girls suggested we go back to town because "This is lame guys" Good idea! He started the pickup and turned into the approach. The headlights shown brightly on the tree. NO GOAT
He was gone. The darn goat chewed through the rope and was likely miles away. My buddy's eyes were open wide and a look of horror was on his face. He had lost his dad's goat and we were now in big trouble.
All was quiet for several moments. The girls once again indicated that it was time to go. He slowly backed up and turned the truck toward town. Suddenly appearing in the headlights, was an old man's face bouncing up and down as it ran directly at the front of the vehicle. All four of us screamed simultaneously. His foot slipped off of the clutch and it killed the motor. They screamed again while he and I began to laugh as Goat-Man was now standing perfectly still, directly in front of the pickup appearing to stare in the cab. I said, "Oh no, we're out of gas" That provoked yet another scream for our amusement. It took several days to wipe the smile off my face. The girls were slightly less impressed. In fact, I'm quite sure they never spoke to either of us again.

1 comment:

  1. This is my favorite story to tell orally in group settings. It gets better and better each time it's told, trust me.

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